I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
