what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
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I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
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I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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