I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
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