I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
