It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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