moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
