Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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