It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
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He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
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HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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