You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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