well I can't set my house on fire every night
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Did I show you my penis last night?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
