Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Randomize
