my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize