Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
