just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Drunk is not a location!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
