the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
