Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
