i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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