i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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