I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
