By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
