I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
