I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
