You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Randomize
