I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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