obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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