i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
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I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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