My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
