i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
