Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
