I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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