When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.