If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We left an ass print on the piano.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.