Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Wipe that smile off your face.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.