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seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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