There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i drank out of a bidet.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
