those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I want her autograph on my taint
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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