Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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