dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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