If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
