Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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