420 ftw
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Enjoy the penises
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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