if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
