im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
