Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
