found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
