i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Text me some of your sweat
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
