I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
