so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Enjoy the penises
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
