Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
