her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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