I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
