Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We have started to decorate penises.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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