Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My vagina is officially offended.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
