i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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