a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
nutella sex= disaster
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
