We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
