ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
