i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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