Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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