It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
