I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
