the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Drake has all the answers
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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