So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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