moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
