I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
