I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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