I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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