Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
