I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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