Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
