Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
