i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I will be naked everywhere
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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