Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
