This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
