it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Everyone says I win the strip club
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
