just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
