I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
