My sheets look like a crime scene.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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