If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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