I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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